I am a married man. I have this obsession with male office "players." What I mean is, men that try to sleep with every woman in the office and succeed at doing it. I guess they have always caused me high anxiety until a few years ago. I was dating a woman before I got married who turned out to be using me because she was in love with another man. Since then, I've learned how to spot this type of man. The typical signs are that they ask every woman out. It doesn't matter if the women are short, tall, old, young, thin, heavy, married or unmarried.
I guess what is disturbing to me is that it seems like it works for these men. Its as if they have some secret ability to press women's buttons. Some people, especially men, would just tell me I'm jealous. Maybe that I am because I wish I could do the same thing. There were times before I was married that I wished that I had this ability. But, When I think it through, especially since I have a good married life, I know that it's not jealousy. For example, I've noticed that most of these men have no stable life. Most of them are divorced or never married and have to make child support payments. I've seen and heard things about some of them involving abortions and diseases. Any potential jealousy I could have ends there. I know I can think it out and see the negative consequences and they can't.
I guess my problem is that, if they are so successful at it, could my wife fall for this? She works at an office with plenty of males. I've never had jealousy issues with her. After observing these types of men for so many years, I guess I've come to believe that no woman is immune and that we're all just a bunch of animals who can be manipulated if the other person knows how.
I’ve tried to stop thinking about it and ignore the behavior of these men. But, just when I’m almost there, another one shows up in the office or in a class I’m taking and I start thinking about it again.
What do you think?
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.