I am engaged to be married this Aug 30. I love my fiancée, and am sure he loves me. The problem is complicated. I am a nursing student (my 2nd degree - I am 28 years old) and living at home to save expenses. He is a seasonal worker, also living at home to save money. He is returning to school to pursue a trade. He is 33 years old. The problem? Our parents. My father dislikes him, thinks he is a loser and his family are losers. His mother is on welfare, and dislikes me because I come from a comfortable family who have worked hard to earn what they have. My parents rule me, and treat me like a child. They will not allow us to sleep in the same bed, or live together before marriage. My father has threatened to disown me and cut me off, and as a student, I can't support myself. My student aid doesn't even cover my tuition. My fiancée is trying very hard, he lived with a woman who stole his money and everything he owned while he worked in another province. So, now he has to begin again. I desperately want him to prove my father wrong, and I want my father to approve. I have been seeking approval from my father for most of my life for various reasons. However, he keeps saying my fiancée is nothing, I will regret marrying him, he is beneath me... and this is tearing me apart. Part of me is frightened he is right. My fiancée and I had a fight this evening as I wanted him to consider attending a school 500 miles away right after we are married, while I stay in school here. This school would offer him a better program, with better job opportunities and a better future. He got upset, because he feels what's the point of being married to be apart for two years (we would see each other on break, etc). I think it is a small sacrifice for our future, but part of me wants him to do it because my father would approve. I'm so tired of having to defend him to my father, and my father's words are starting to take hold. I am worried that nobody will ever be good enough for him, and I'll end up alone.
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- 'Anne' is the pseudonym for the individual who writes this relationship advice column.
- 'Anne' bases her responses on her personal experiences and not on professional training or study. She does not represent herself to be a psychologist, therapist, counselor or professional helper of any sort. Her responses are offered from the perspective of a friend or mentor only.
- Anne intends her responses to provide general information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by 'Anne' to people submitting questions.
- 'Anne', Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. 'Anne' and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.